Wednesday, December 30, 2009

It Happened Last Night!

The Pillow still bears the marks….the patches which have yet not dried up, the portions where it has been thumped to hard… this is a total give away. As I try to read your eyes laced with reddish veins, you smile… What??!! No am fine!!...You always do that…so many times…but you always forget one thing…to hide the marks left behind from the last night’s gory. The page of the book still reads the same no as it read four days back. You tell me, its too boring, I will pick up that other one……As I give you that meaningful look… turn your eyes away to a blind spot……I know that you are miles away from me, though it’s a just a matter of few feet. The lovely greens and yellows of the room have paled…..the sunlight which picked up the corners of the room and reflected them in your eyes….now suddenly appears too bright……

I know if I try a bit too hard, you will smile……but the vision will never grasp it. In fact it would be as false as that tale which you explain to me loosely……what you don’t realize is that even your own voice is not ready to empathize with what you utter…..the empty bottles of course have a label over them too…..wasn’t it chilling yesterday……but what you forget it is that so it has been for 35 December years of your life, and never have they receded the way they do now……
You square your shoulders and bring yourself up, but I can notice that tremble… heart goes out for you…I feel like saying… don’t need to do this….but then I catch myself, maybe this push which you give to yourself will be of aid…..I clench my fists as I feel a helpless anger seeping through me…..these are the times when I realize that I am total useless jerk……

You give me a playful thump…don’t be so serious and thoughtful….you tell me….you are just reading too much of the situation…….and I carry on with your bluff…..because there is one fact which you don’t know…..I stood outside your door last night mustering up my courage to knock it!And I know it happened last night.....

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Long and Gone!!

I knew one day it would happen!! So many a times I had told myself about it too….preparing myself, waiting like an eager child, twiddling my thumbs with impatience sometimes. But no dictionaries, encyclopedias and words of wisdom prepare you for the climax. Wait, patience, journey is probably the most explained words, but the final destination is never given its due. Nobody tells you that “knowing one thing and finally experiencing is totally a different ball game”…..

That one fine day when it just recedes you, evaporating like it never existed……leaving you like an empty shell…..and suddenly all that was there looks like a complete waste. Books, fiction, non-fiction, songs, lyrics, blogs all appear like aliens… the point that its kind off started scaring the shit out of me. Its something like a place which was full of ruckus and din has suddenly been evaded by deep eerie silence. A silence so strong , those earlier voices appear like a figment of imagination.

Void they say is an awful word, but guess they have never been to a smiling junkyard, which is so glad to be free post a successful junkyard sale. After being crowded for years down the row with unused and obsolete stuff, with a pile increasing everyday, its glad to be free of that. Good Riddance!! Who cares about “Artificial Fullness” when its just an added pain(did I hear a chuckle there!!).

Solitude!! Mark me was never so fascinating….because among the din, my own voice was lost. In fact in preliminaries I did not even know if I could even utter a word. And if I did also, it probably never reached my ears. But for once all I hear is an echo……Just had a revelation…. “That baritone is damn too lovely”!!!

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Dear God!

Dear God,

This is an overdue and over pending letter. So many times I have started it and then just left it in mid sentences , to gather the guts to complete it. Maybe I can be termed impatient or just a sheer coward.There is no assurance whether today also it won’t end abruptly.

Any kind of letter either conveys concern , love, news or something which affects us in the deepest manner. From my side comes this query. The query, which have dogged me for years and recently have become too loud in my head.

Time and again I have noticed a particular trend followed by societal structure and what we term as “people”. There is no acceptance of raw and sincere temperament! A nature which speaks of honest emotions and carries a straight approach is termed as “undiplomatic”. A certain amount of finesse or maybe should say artificial touch is required to present the actualities. What they say, try to behave in a diplomatic manner. Situations and circumstances are created such that it becomes difficult for an honest person to breathe in this polluted society.

So I just wonder that why create such kind of sincerity in first place? I mean if the person is deliberately forced into being somebody he would rather dislike than why not make it the same? Honesty as on date if I come across a person who is completely attuned with the world, my first thought is “till when”? Till when will he be able to take the blows on his sincere temperament? How long will he last against the forced artificialness which is becoming as important as breathing?.

Every time an honest emotion crashes down and dons the mask of cynicism , I feel a certain amount of defeat on my part. I hate to say but that day is not far when these forced changes are certainly leading to an extinct species. The species which was honest and sincere will probably be viewed in a motion movie like “The Lost world”.

My request to you is, its time to break the old molds Dear Almighty and create new ones . The new frames as per the structure and requirement of the society. Coz the pains you take to create one , the society takes zillion more pains to alter it as per its means. The pain and sorrow involved in the process of these “forced changes” can never be put in words. Needless to remind you that they are your kids created with lots of care and concern, so its time they got a respite. And if not for you none can help them survive on this earth. An earth, which flourishes on artificialness and easy means.

Time to make them as per the requisite, coz variations always leave a certain amount of scar which never allows them to be back in shape!

Yours Trully

An Altered Soul!

Friday, September 19, 2008

The Blue Bird

As I peep out of that small window, I find a bird perched on the sill, chirping in its glory.
Its wings so blue and yellow, that its looks right out of a story.
I try to be as quiet as possible
In care of disturbing its glee,
For a little noise from me can make it flee.

Its oblivious to the attention
And the joy it creates in my mind
I just sit and enjoy this rhapsody
Blessed I am suddenly out of the wee.

I try not to scare its wits
As I hear the song in tit-bits,
It might just be another day
Tomorrow I might not see.

As I am caught in the rapture
A sudden thought flits my mind,
Should I try to capture
The beauty that’s so free.

Out of the blue its looks at me
And fixates its stare
With eyes so guileless
“The song is for thee”.
The frank avowal
Sweeps me in a denial,
And mocks me on my face
I could dare not reject this plea.

The time arrives for it to flee
The skies beckon deep and blue,
With a promise of a tomorrow
It leaves a gift of glee.

As I gaze towards its flight
My heart feels so light,
A blue feather is insight.
Knowing a creation of such splendor
I nurture the moments of the rendezvous,
I will just let it be!

Friday, September 5, 2008

Celebration in true sense

For the special day today,

The 5th September which I have seen for nearly 30 falls in my life.The teacher's day which I celebrated ardor, has probably got its true essence today.
For the first time I feel learned, for the first time I feel as if I have actually found the real teacher. LIFE! yeah life it is.

It has taught me with its small and bigger ways.
It has sought me even after a lot of disgrace
It has been with me despite the fact that I wasted it
It has been my respite in all the ups and lows
And though I always felt it was useless it has shown me that it has its utility!

This day I bow my head in respect to my Life! My teacher and will effort to give and repay all its past dues!

Monday, September 1, 2008


He was sitting on a bench in the corridor of the hospital with his shoulders slumped, an unkempt beard adorned his face and on a closer look the lines of strain could be seen in his eyes. A few strands of grey hair escaped unnoticed. Nobody recognized him!!! What an irony………

As if it was just yesterday no female between the age of 16-60 who could resist a sigh after seeing him. He was Diwakar Sen-the most eligible bachelor of the country. The life was perfect with big modeling assignments, a fleet of admirers ,a great house and everything which screamed of ‘SUCCESS’.

But then fate stored something else for him. He always loved to live life in fast lane. While coming down from a show his car crashed into a truck and there came crashing down all his dreams …………….
A couple of fractures ,smashed ribs and the worst being a damaged knee ball……oh everybody had that sorry expression on their face, and he could read in their eyes ‘poor guy he is history now’.

Though he was out of bed but still used crutches to walk. A regular physiotherapy session was his necessity. And that is what he waited for that day in the corridor….
He heard her coming before he saw. And for a minute held his breath.
My God does such beauty existed or was it a dream. She was dressed in a normal nurse uniform but then how can anybody look so beautiful in such a dowdy uniform. Her eyes were like two luminous pools beneath the delicately arched eyebrows ,a sharp nose ,lips as if there were delicate petals and and……suddenly she stood in front of him smiling, ohh that smile!!!!!! it was if many stars have lit the skys. And then he realized she was speaking to him, ”ohh how can they keep a guy like you waiting for you? Don’t know what’s gone wrong with this hospital” ,and before he could recover and say something she continued” You know sir I have been a great fan of yours ,never missed out on any coverage on you, and when I heard about this accident I felt as if somebody has killed me……”,he could hear a sob catch in her throat and for a second he forgot his worries and felt like telling her everything would be fine.

After that suddenly he had something to look forward to. The hospital visits were suddenly not all that boring. He even started dressing up a bit more carefully. Days passed before he saw her again, by that time he had was getting a bit disappointed ,and as soon as he saw her coming down the same corridor……”where have u been?” he gushed, then got embarrassed by his own eagerness. ”Sorry I couldn’t meet you earlier, I have to go”. ”At least tell me your name please?” he continued not willing to let her go.
“It’s Raina” she smiled and two dimples flashed .

He saw her again after few days but this time she was not in her nurse uniform but a beautiful white suit and her long black hair cascaded down her shoulders. He had always measured his happiness with his success but the joy which he felt just by her sight was not compared to anything……….They spent that day together. He told her about everything the accident, the aftermath and his lost hopes and dreams.

“Hey ,she said you can’t just lose heart like that, you are my idol and I can’t imagine you shattering like this. Think about it there must be certainly something you can do of your life”.

It took him two days to figure out what he will do. Probably he was no good as a model anymore but his fashion sense was not lost.

There was sometime before he could meet her again. Today was the opening of his fashion chain ’RAINA’. And he wanted her to be there by his side. ”Sorry ,I can’t make it”, she said, sadness lurking in her eyes.
“But you have done so much for me ,you gave me back my hope, certainly this is the least I can do for you”, he was disheartened.
“Ok , when you comeback get me some red roses ,I always dreamt of getting roses from you”, she dimpled.

It was few weeks before he could make it. But by the time he had decided that he will tell her………her life was empty without her.
He waited for her in the corridor but hours passed she did not come.
He went down to the reception ,”I am looking for Sister Raina”.

The receptionist stared her incredulously, ”Sir, I think you are mistaken there is no Sister Raina out here”.
“Ohh” ,He got irritated at her carelessness, ”Come on tell me where is she?”
The receptionist stopped a senior nurse who just passed by, ”He is looking for some Sister Raina?”
Her jaw dropped, ”But Sir Raina died 5 years back” she stifled a sob,
“But how is that possible I just met her….”,his voice trailed off,but the nurse did not pay attention to him and continued” she was a big fan of yours never missed any show…….”

But he was not listening any more he just kept walking away. Tears were flowing down his eyes unchecked, till he reached the place where they met for the first time. He kept the two dozen red roses which he held in his hand on the bench where he always sat and said
” See Raina, I brought you roses……….”

Saturday, August 30, 2008

The Rock

As I stood by that rock, which was battered every now and then , by the violent waves of the sea. I sincerely pondered on its nature. Is that its shameless attitude which took all the thrashings in stride.Or is that he had become immune to all the lashes.

Seasons took their turns , but its still stood by the sea, hard and immovable. Taking its share of gentle and violent waves. Though he might have been chipped from few places in the process, but besides that I could see no harm superficially. In the high tide season, probably the waves tried to their best to drown it. And take him away in their current, but still it was rooted to the ground.

It has no ends and probably has been a part of earth since the creation of nature. Or maybe if I try to unearth after a lot of hard labor, I might reach to its deep roots. But yet I chose to leave it alone. For I am sure it already has enough on its plate. A prod from me will probably just add on to its throbbing. I wish it all my luck and blessings and move on, for I am sure it can do well without my inquisitive probe.