Wednesday, December 30, 2009

It Happened Last Night!

The Pillow still bears the marks….the patches which have yet not dried up, the portions where it has been thumped to hard… this is a total give away. As I try to read your eyes laced with reddish veins, you smile… What??!! No am fine!!...You always do that…so many times…but you always forget one thing…to hide the marks left behind from the last night’s gory. The page of the book still reads the same no as it read four days back. You tell me, its too boring, I will pick up that other one……As I give you that meaningful look… turn your eyes away to a blind spot……I know that you are miles away from me, though it’s a just a matter of few feet. The lovely greens and yellows of the room have paled…..the sunlight which picked up the corners of the room and reflected them in your eyes….now suddenly appears too bright……

I know if I try a bit too hard, you will smile……but the vision will never grasp it. In fact it would be as false as that tale which you explain to me loosely……what you don’t realize is that even your own voice is not ready to empathize with what you utter…..the empty bottles of course have a label over them too…..wasn’t it chilling yesterday……but what you forget it is that so it has been for 35 December years of your life, and never have they receded the way they do now……
You square your shoulders and bring yourself up, but I can notice that tremble… heart goes out for you…I feel like saying… don’t need to do this….but then I catch myself, maybe this push which you give to yourself will be of aid…..I clench my fists as I feel a helpless anger seeping through me…..these are the times when I realize that I am total useless jerk……

You give me a playful thump…don’t be so serious and thoughtful….you tell me….you are just reading too much of the situation…….and I carry on with your bluff…..because there is one fact which you don’t know…..I stood outside your door last night mustering up my courage to knock it!And I know it happened last night.....

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Long and Gone!!

I knew one day it would happen!! So many a times I had told myself about it too….preparing myself, waiting like an eager child, twiddling my thumbs with impatience sometimes. But no dictionaries, encyclopedias and words of wisdom prepare you for the climax. Wait, patience, journey is probably the most explained words, but the final destination is never given its due. Nobody tells you that “knowing one thing and finally experiencing is totally a different ball game”…..

That one fine day when it just recedes you, evaporating like it never existed……leaving you like an empty shell…..and suddenly all that was there looks like a complete waste. Books, fiction, non-fiction, songs, lyrics, blogs all appear like aliens… the point that its kind off started scaring the shit out of me. Its something like a place which was full of ruckus and din has suddenly been evaded by deep eerie silence. A silence so strong , those earlier voices appear like a figment of imagination.

Void they say is an awful word, but guess they have never been to a smiling junkyard, which is so glad to be free post a successful junkyard sale. After being crowded for years down the row with unused and obsolete stuff, with a pile increasing everyday, its glad to be free of that. Good Riddance!! Who cares about “Artificial Fullness” when its just an added pain(did I hear a chuckle there!!).

Solitude!! Mark me was never so fascinating….because among the din, my own voice was lost. In fact in preliminaries I did not even know if I could even utter a word. And if I did also, it probably never reached my ears. But for once all I hear is an echo……Just had a revelation…. “That baritone is damn too lovely”!!!

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Dear God!

Dear God,

This is an overdue and over pending letter. So many times I have started it and then just left it in mid sentences , to gather the guts to complete it. Maybe I can be termed impatient or just a sheer coward.There is no assurance whether today also it won’t end abruptly.

Any kind of letter either conveys concern , love, news or something which affects us in the deepest manner. From my side comes this query. The query, which have dogged me for years and recently have become too loud in my head.

Time and again I have noticed a particular trend followed by societal structure and what we term as “people”. There is no acceptance of raw and sincere temperament! A nature which speaks of honest emotions and carries a straight approach is termed as “undiplomatic”. A certain amount of finesse or maybe should say artificial touch is required to present the actualities. What they say, try to behave in a diplomatic manner. Situations and circumstances are created such that it becomes difficult for an honest person to breathe in this polluted society.

So I just wonder that why create such kind of sincerity in first place? I mean if the person is deliberately forced into being somebody he would rather dislike than why not make it the same? Honesty as on date if I come across a person who is completely attuned with the world, my first thought is “till when”? Till when will he be able to take the blows on his sincere temperament? How long will he last against the forced artificialness which is becoming as important as breathing?.

Every time an honest emotion crashes down and dons the mask of cynicism , I feel a certain amount of defeat on my part. I hate to say but that day is not far when these forced changes are certainly leading to an extinct species. The species which was honest and sincere will probably be viewed in a motion movie like “The Lost world”.

My request to you is, its time to break the old molds Dear Almighty and create new ones . The new frames as per the structure and requirement of the society. Coz the pains you take to create one , the society takes zillion more pains to alter it as per its means. The pain and sorrow involved in the process of these “forced changes” can never be put in words. Needless to remind you that they are your kids created with lots of care and concern, so its time they got a respite. And if not for you none can help them survive on this earth. An earth, which flourishes on artificialness and easy means.

Time to make them as per the requisite, coz variations always leave a certain amount of scar which never allows them to be back in shape!

Yours Trully

An Altered Soul!